The definition of connection has changed – for all of us. Its meaning has changed, too, as we navigated how to connect to our friends and family and as we have adjusted to the pandemic through various states of lockdown. I realised quickly that connection became truly important during these challenging times. And what it revealed about my relationships – past, present and those developing – was truly enlightening.
According to the Office of National Statistics (ONS) and its Coronavirus and loneliness, Great Britain report: 5% of the 2.6-million adults in the UK reported feeling lonely often or always between April and May 2020.
How connection can have a positive impact on your career and life
Nearly 25 years later, something a psychic friend had said to me now makes complete sense: there was a strong American connection around me. There was no more detail than that but it was something that would come up repeatedly over the years.
Case in point: in 2007 I met Anna Ashby, an American, at Triyoga in Primrose Hill. I practiced with Anna for many years and was inspired by her knowledge and passion for honouring the roots of yoga. I completed her 350-hour yoga teacher training (YTT) plus a 33-hour Restorative Yoga course which she created for Triyoga. To this day, Anna remains my teacher. An additional fun fact: Triyoga was created in Tribeca, New York.
I have made some great connections through yoga. Some have transformed into solid friendships where I have received a level of emotional support and encouragement. It’s something I would have never anticipated when I stepped into my first yoga class. Whilst completing my YTT, I met Tawny Cortes & Sophia Kouame who are now close friends. Both have been an advisor, mentor, and provided opportunities along my yoga journey. Developing a friendship that crosses into professional boundaries is pretty special. For BIPOC yoga teachers, we celebrate and share in each other’s successes in an industry where it’s not always so easy to be seen and valued.
Connection. Noun
“A relationship in which a person or a thing is linked or associated with something else”. Connections. “People with whom one has social or professional contact or to whom one is related, especially those with influence and able to offer one help”.
Finding yoga connection in India
Anna has given me a lot of advice over the years and I was debating with her on whether I should venture out on my own trip to India in 2018 or go on pilgrimage with other yoga teachers. I was so happy that I did the latter: I travelled with Leila Sadeghee and Hareesh Wallis (both American) and met some wonderful souls who have continued to support my yoga journey. I formed a friendship with Jeremy Arnold who encouraged me to come teach my friends at his home studio. He helped support me so I could gain confidence ahead of completing my YTT. I also met Jonelle Lewis, Gabriella Espinosa (both American) and Ava Riby-Williams. Alongside Leila we, amongst many others, are part of a Yogis of Colour group: a WhatsApp space for yogis to share experiences, seek advice, offer tips and recommendations and to be ourselves without filter.
A smaller BIPOC wellness group was created by Aisha Nash, whom I feel that I will be indebted to forever as this smaller group offered a safe space and allowed the members of this group to feel even more held, supported, nurtured and seen. These like-minded souls see me and, to use an American expression, “send the elevator back down” have provided wonderful opportunities to shine. My deepest gratitude to Leila Sadeghee for being a faculty member of The Practices, Donna Noble for NoireFitFest and becoming a great friend during lockdown with regular supportive communications and Gabriella Espinosa for Women’s Wellness Retreat and Ava Riby-Williams for Wellness Fest (20th May).
How the Black Lives Matter movement changed friendships
Information sharing was at its height last year but the nuances and understanding around the pandemic and the BLM movement varied from person to person, especially outside of the black community. I have at times had a different type of connection with non-BIPOC friends. The killing of George Floyd last year was tragic on many levels. I experienced comments from non-BIPOC friends ranging from “I’m not sure what to do” or “I don’t see colour” or worse – some friends having no comment on George Floyd’s killing and the #BLM protests at all. An article about how COVID was disproportionately affecting black people was sent to me by one of these friends from a caring perspective but no care was shown during the #BLM protests and when I raised their silence about the protests, the silence continued. This was hurtful and is the kind of dynamic that leads to a difference in depths and understanding of friendships for me between BIPOC and non-BIPOC friends.
How to find a friendship that fulfills your work and life
Returning to the importance of connection; I am deeply grateful to have been in the BIPOC Whatsapp group and that Twanna Doherty, Managing Director and part-owner of Yogamatters was also one of the members. I will admit that I was pleasantly surprised to learn that Twanna was a woman of colour, but then wondered why I didn’t know this sooner.
As the Community Leader at Yogamatters, I’m navigating the personal and the professional: Twanna is now a friend and I also now work with Yogamatters – it’s an interesting dynamic that I’m balancing. The Twanna connection, another American connection, is one I really had not seen coming or even daydreamed of.
Twanna is like a super inspiring little big sister (I’m two years older than Twanna!) She is also a formidable business woman, and has been running a brand for the past seven years. Despite her responsibilities as a business woman and leader of a brand, Twanna is able to pause: to see me, hear me. She’s able to support my yoga journey as I navigate my own transitions in my personal and professional life: including making a massive decision at 50 to change my career in HR and to retrain as a yoga teacher. I have been impressed by how much passion Twanna puts into Yogamatters and by equal measure also carve out time and love for her family. She has an ability to be vulnerable and strong all at the same time.
We are both straight-talking women and think that is why Twanna and I connect so well. I was blown away by her trust in me and her offering me the Yogamatters Community Leader role. As a new teacher – I graduated from Triyoga in 2019 – we both know that amongst the congratulations and awesome idea comments, there were probably a few raised eyebrows. The trust and support that Twanna and her team offers me is immeasurable.
Developing a friendship with someone is great – Twanna does make it easy – but I am mindful that there is now a layer of formality which my old HR hat helps me to navigate. Like any friendship there are nuances and there are lines. I am finding the balance of being a friend and a freelancer, delivering good performance in each category.
What I’ve learned through all of this? The American connection was real, connections are real and truly important. If you open your heart and mind to friendship, good connections will find you and they’ll stay with you for as long as you let them.
Resources for friendship, connection and mindfulness
Finding ways to connect with yourself and others can be a part of a routine that you build into your everyday habits. These essentials can help you be more mindful and make it easier for you to unwind.
The perfect cuppa
A wonderful gift offering once we’re allowed to reconnect indoors in the UK.
Planning ahead
I love this planner, it’s great to capture thought for all the wonderful opportunities
Your DIY de-stressor
Create some time for yourself: bath salts help relax tense muscles, increasing your well-being and giving you a chance to spend time with yourself.
Ways to create gratitude
These cards are thoughtfully created: each highlights some small reminders of what we can be thankful for.
Join me Tuesday 11th May, when I sit down with my friend and Yogamatters Managing Director, Twanna Doherty, to chat about friendship, family, safe spaces, and finding her authentic voice. Don’t miss this candid catch up between two friends.
AND: Yogamatters will also be giving away a yoga kit to 3 lucky people in the audience! BOOK NOW TO WIN!
